if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
