My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
