Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
