the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
