I think I died a long time ago.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
