It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
