First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
