I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
