I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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