Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You're earring is so big in my mouth
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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