They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
