I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i out mim tonsoeep
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