Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Watching her eat just hurts me
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
