why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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