is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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