I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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