i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
