im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
