Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
