I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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