Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
