I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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