Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
