Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
