i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize