Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There's always time for handjobs
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
