Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize