so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize