Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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