That's when you crack a 10am beer
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
