You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
