i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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