I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
