i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
