My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
that's an acceptable place to lick
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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