Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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