It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
