At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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