Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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