I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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