She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
