I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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