I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
