It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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