Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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