You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
