I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
