I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
