I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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