I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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