He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When are your genitals available?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
