Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize