1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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