all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
