The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
