Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
they need to just BURY HIM!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
