After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
