i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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