I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
