I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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