I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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