I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
