just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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