oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
