you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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