People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
