No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
