ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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