i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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