i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
