Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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