Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
