I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
