I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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