the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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