The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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