Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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