Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
