She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
