And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
