It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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